Put your heart on the line, and listen to what God says. Surround yourself with a tribe of folks who are for you and your relationship future. Be open to setups from wise and discerning friends who know you well.

Listen to advice—even honest rebuke. If you want to get married someday, say so. Baggage from your past, as well as current addictions and unhealthy behaviors, need to be met head-on. Find a professional counselor or pastor who can help you start processing and healing. Join a committee at church. Volunteer somewhere. Try out a new small group. Go to that party hosted by a friend of a friend of a friend.

Give online dating a shot. But the risk may pay off. Speaking of risks, and lest we forget, getting a date actually involves asking someone out or accepting an ask. Are you actively considering potential people in your sphere? Remember, this is a date, not a marriage proposal. Go for it. Should you date just anyone?

But so is hanging on to your unrealistic list of 50 must-haves. To move into relationship with someone, you both need five things: a serious relationship with God that actually affects the way you think and live; evidence of growth in this faith—no stagnation or stall-outs; the maturity and ability to move a relationship to an end goal of marriage, a humble and teachable spirit; and a general alignment of priorities in life.

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